I've often said, somewhat jokingly, "I'm not a long suffering type of gal." Most of my friends have heard me say this at least half a dozen times depending on how long they've known me. Sometimes, this attitude CAN be a GOOD thing...
For example, if I am battling some kind of stupidity at work, I can just let it go. I don't like suffering for a long time... and life is too short to spend dealing with stupid.
BUT. This attitude is also indicative of a little bit of a deeper darker problem. I really am not into suffering. At all. And some things in life require a little suffering: Like keeping up a relationship. Or exercising regularly. Or paying off a credit card. I'm not talking about "real" suffering. Like SUFF-ER-ING. I don't think I've never had a life threatening disease. That is real suffering.
Wait... the gallstones. That might have been real suffering.
Sometimes one needs to suffer in order to get what they want. Being committed to something or someone requires staying power. And sometimes staying power requires that you keep at it, even if you have to suffer a bit doing it.
I'm commitment adverse. I think this has EVERYTHING to do with where I am in my life. Husbandless, childless, too much debt, and needing to lose some weight. I'm so anti-commitment that I don't commit to doing anything that might hurt a little. It's time to put on my big (bigger than I want at the moment) girl panties and deal with it!
It might hurt to workout. But in the long run, it feels great.
It might hurt to workout. But in the long run, it feels great.
It might hurt to actually feel the feelings instead of shopping and eating, but if I feel those feelings I can deal with them and heal and move forward.
It might hurt to open myself up and be vulnerable with someone again, but that is the only way to get to the point of real intimacy and trust again.
I run away from everything before it has a chance to fail or to hurt. It's probably time to stop running away when things don't feel good.
So, I'm going back to therapy on Wednesday with my new insights and I'm kicking Commitment's ass. And I'm going back to the gym and getting my ass kicked. And it's gonna hurt a little. But it'll be okay.
Yes! Yes! YES! To all of this! I think the key is to think of some of these things not as "suffering" but as a choice you're making. When it comes to food and exercise that choice is black and white, but when it comes to relationships it's a lot harder.
ReplyDeleteSo much harder but worth it!
DeleteI think somehow we were separated at birth :-) The last 2 years has been that journey for me and I understand completely where you are coming from and what lies ahead of you. It is not going to be easy.....but in the end, well worth the hard work.
ReplyDeleteThanks Shells. I get it. It's reckoning time!
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